I drove through the town of Paradise the other day – the town that was ravished last November by a vicious fire. It was intensely humbling to see the destruction and devastation.

Entire streets had been completely leveled – homes gone, debris cleared leaving only dirt and driveways.My friends home – gone

Some streets would have one home still standing. It felt like the fire deliberately chose which homes would stay and which would be demolished.

I feel like that with Lyme. Yesterday was a horrible day – severe pain, nausea and vomiting all day. It’s as if Lyme chooses which days I sill stay standing and which days I will burn to the ground.

I know I’m improving, I can see a difference from where I was 6 years ago – but it still seems like the finish line is almost unattainable. Almost. But maybe that’s because I keep looking for a finish line that looks like it did before I got sick. And maybe that’s unrealistic.

The little town of Paradise will never be the same. It has remnants of the town it used to be, but it will forever be changed by the fire that so brutally swept through it.

McDonalds

And maybe that’s me. I may never have the same level of health that once let me work hard and kayak and hike. As my body rebuilds a healthier me, life may look different, forever changed by the sickness that so brutally swept through it.

I know in many ways this sickness has changed me for the better – but like the Paradise Fire, the pain and suffering of that change has at times been unbearable.

If you are suffering and void of hope because you can’t see the finish line, I want to encourage you to let go of the dream of returning to the person you used to be, and start looking for the rebuilding – it may be a little different from what you used to be, but it may be more beautiful as well.