I first started this blog partly because I couldn’t find other Lyme stories that really talked about the bad times. I get it, we want to be seen as pillars of strength and we fight to focus on the positive things in life, helping others cling to hope. That’s noble, but I want to know someone else really understands what I’m going through and I couldn’t find anyone who talked about the pain and suffering.

I realized this morning that I’m becoming one of those who only posts about hope and encouragement. Maybe it’s time for a little truth about the suffering.

It’s been 6 years since I first took off work and I’ve improved so much in so many ways, but I still feel so far from being healthy. Today is hard. The pain is high and my energy is so incredibly low that I can barely move without tears.I hurt so much, I have nausea, I get dizzy, I’m exhausted, I’m weak, my heart rate sky rockets when I’m up, my skin feels like it’s burning, I have horrible neuropathy – the symptom list is long and discouraging.

I want out of this dang bed! I want to clean house and garden, I want to go hiking and kayaking, I want to play games with my family for hours on end without having to go lay down after 20 minutes of fun.

I am thankful for the good things in my life – but that doesn’t mean I don’t suffer deeply.

If you are suffering too, I pray you find hope to cling to, but I also want you to know it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to feel discouraged, it’s ok feel hopeless – and it’s ok to need help. You’re not alone.

It’s ok to have a pity party – just don’t unpack and live there.