To be honest, it’s been a struggle to write because it’s hard to come up with words for where I am, where my family is.

If I look back over the years since I first became disabled on July 10, 2013, I see huge progress. Back then I was bed bound most of every day, I used a wheelchair or cane, pain was so horrific I was in the ER on a weekly basis, I threw up daily, had severe insomnia, my legs would go numb, I had major cognitive issues and I usually needed help with daily activities like showering and dressing.

Fast forward to today, I’ve improved a lot, some symptoms are gone and some are significantly reduced. I have some really good days and I can do more on those days. But I still have really bad days too and I struggle every day with pain from cervical instability and a slew of other symptoms that change all the time.

From small things like dry lips and eyes to major mast cell issues like rashes & tightening of the throat to severe digestive issues and headaches, I am constantly battling something.

This year has brought the most horrific and devastating challenges my family has ever faced: we moved my father into skilled nursing, my husband had shoulder surgery due to a severe injury and in May, our 2 month old grandson went to be with Jesus. The stress and intense emotions have been hard on me physically. My body flips from overactive adrenal function to no adrenal function at all. One day I’m picking up the pieces of our crushed world, the next I’m bedridden with excruciating pain and fatigue.

Finding a path forward for my health in the shadow of these issues (and several more that continue to weigh on us) is nearly impossible.

I’ve resolved myself to the fact that some of my health issues (like cervical instability) are here to stay. And with that, it’s really hard to fix anything else.

I haven’t given up. I am still doing everything I can to improve. But I’m also being realistic and doing what makes sense based on the fact that my body is stuck and my life is in chaos.

Chatting with my doctor the other day about what’s next, we’ve decided to create “a health strategy to be filled in” as we go along. (BTW, what doctor gives you his cell and then actually responds when you reach out to him? I’m so thankful God has placed him in our lives.)

Can you imagine if every doctor created a “health strategy” for their patients taking into consideration every health issue they have and may have?

Sometimes when I’m at my lowest, I get a bolt of hope (like this) that reminds me I’m not alone. And that, my friends, is what this life is all about – finding & giving hope and love no matter what our circumstances.

Wherever you are in your journey, no matter what you’re facing, pray for God to bring someone into your path who brings you hope and shows you love – and know this – it is not the individual, but God working through him, that gives those gifts.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jer 29:11