I am laying here in bed, having completed 2 IV treatments this morning, feeling sick to my stomach and weak as can be.  Recent events have caused a burden of stress that is wreaking havoc on my system.  I’ve been in bed for 3 weeks.  Exhausted from the pain that cripples me day and night. 

People keep calling me brave, strong, tough. I have a husband and kids that support and encourage me – they make me look brave and strong. The reality is that I am weak and scared. 

Most people don’t understand the degree of illness in our lives. It is burdensome on my entire family, but it is also strangely unifying and strengthening in ways I never would have thought possible. 

So I hate it. But at the same time, I am grateful for the love and closeness it has built in my home. 

The bad moments cause me to seek God more. 

The good moments are much sweeter because I cherish them so much more.

The moments in between are often the hardest times. It’s in those moments I feel like a failure for not being well, for not doing my fair share, for simply being sick. It’s in those moments hope seems so far away. 

I hope today finds you feeling hopeful and encouraged. You’re not alone. We are in this together. 

In His Grip