It’s ridiculous that a quote in a somewhat off-color (and awkwardly romantic) movie can be the very thing I need to hear.

Forget about who you thought you were and just accept who you are.

Maya, Jersey Girl

I talk a lot about who I used to be…how I used to live…what I used to do. I know I won’t ever be able to go back to that life – and I’m ok with that, really I am. That life would have killed me even if I didn’t get sick.

But for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about it. Why is that?

I realized today that it’s because I don’t know what life looks like if it’s not that – or this.

And at 53, that’s pretty damn scary.

So who am I now? Who will I be on the other side of sickness?

Just like Ollie, I just want to play in the dirt with my kids. They may be all grown up now and the dirt may look different but I still want that.

Not much else really matters, does it?

PS: if the dirt happens to be sand on an island (say Maui), I’m ok with that too. 😉