Better Is Relative

I have moments when I get discouraged but for the most part, I am always looking for positive forward motion.

When I compare myself to where I’ve been – bed-ridden, wheelchair, dying – I am most definitely better.

That doesn’t mean I’m well. I still have a long way to go and while I do hope to be healed someday, I don’t really know when or even if that day will ever come.

The cellular healing program I’m currently on is expected to take 2 years. In the meantime, I do see a lot of improvement. I sleep better, I have more energy (most days), pain is less, symptoms are not as severe.

That said – I’m still dealing with a lot:

I always have a headache
I can tweak my neck or back just by taking a deep breath
My nervous system gets jacked up when I bend over or move too much (high heart rate, dizzy, short of breath)
My hands and feet go numb
Individual joints will swell and hurt (usually knee or ankle)
Digestive issues come and go
Cognitive issues can overwhelm me – I can’t think clearly, I get confused, I have a hard time finding words and remembering things

These are the big things but there’s so many other symptoms that creep up every day: odd rashes, sore throat, ear pain or tinnitus, eye pain, bone pain, muscle weakness, twitches – just weirdness.

And here’s the thing – I’ve been here before and ended up with setbacks that scared me. Right now, being in a moldy environment or eating the wrong foods could easily put me to bed for months. It doesn’t take much to trigger a nasty flare up.

I’m not ready to kayak or hike mountains – truth be told, walking the dogs or shopping for groceries can do me in. But I rejoice that today I’m not in tears, I’m not at the ER getting pain cocktail shots, my organs aren’t shutting down – that’s improvement, and I’ll take it.