Yeah – they happen.

I am usually fairly even keeled (well, for me anyway) and can face a lot of challenges. But the ADD in me can kick in fast and I become so overwhelmed I just snap.

It’s like a switch gets triggered and the flood gates holding back built up emotion open up.

That happened this morning. Over a stupid situation that wasn’t really a big deal. I panicked, my body wouldn’t let me move fast enough to manage what was happening and bam – I was triggered.

I couldn’t walk away because I couldn’t get up out of my chair. I could hear my inner voice encouraging me to take deep breaths, close my eyes and inhale, blah blah blah.

Nope. Instead, I raised my voice (not directed at anyone in particular) and ripped the top off an empty plastic bottle and threw it down the hall.

I am constantly trying to maintain our home, and our lives. But I just can’t do it all. I certainly can’t do it the way I’d like to do it, but if I’m being honest, I can’t even do a half-ass job of it.

I can’t clean the floors.

I can’t organize our kitchen.

I can’t do the grocery shopping – make the food – do the laundry.

Even basic self care like showering and brushing my hair is hard most days.

Yesterday was one of those days.

Today is starting out to be one of those days. and that’s frustrating the heck out of me.

I’m in the middle of a detox protocol that is making me feel awful. Pain is high, energy is low, and I just feel icky. That’s what it’s supposed to do and my head knows it’s temporary, but still, the memory of being bedridden and unable to function for years is overriding my common sense.

So – I write. It’s not pretty – I don’t have answers – I just need to get the emotions out of my system for a moment and shake off the feelings that are weighing me down.

9 more days and I can start backing down off the detox protocol. In the meantime, the house can wait. The dishes and laundry can build up. My focus needs to be on rest and regeneration.

Easier said than done. And this is nothing more than a reminder to myself that it’s ok to not be ok.

And…

it’s ok to have a pity party, just don’t unpack and live there.