For a long time, I was too sick to do anything – couldn’t clean, drive, shop – couldn’t even take a shower without help. You would think that as I improve, life would feel easier.

It doesn’t.

Everything has felt so dysfunctional lately. I’m trying to find balance – to find ways to prioritize and reduce chronic chaos.

Life with Lyme+ (or any chronic sickness) doesn’t work the same as it did pre-sickness. Even back then it felt chaotic at times, but I was always able to find that balance I’m looking for.

It’s not just about being unable to work or exercise or eat the way I used to – it’s not just about needing more rest now or having to see more doctors.

It’s all of that – and also how, and when (or if) anything gets done at all.

My life priorities are sorted into 3 basic categories:

1. Health
2. Daily Life (home and immediate family)
3. Extras – anything else

Health

My days are filled with taking meds and remedies, doing treatments and therapies, eating the right foods (prepping, cooking) and attempting personal care (sometimes a shower is just too much).

Daily Life

Family time is so important to me. It should have its own category but for now, it’s lumped in with Home because it’s often combined with activities like housekeeping, laundry, grocery shopping, doctor visits, ordering & organizing meds, banking, etc.

Both Health & Home are priorities – but I still have to pick and choose. Those decisions are often made based on which issue has become the most needy in the moment – out of meds, ordering is the priority; out of food, shopping; out of clothing, laundry.

Extras

The extras can be the most frustrating parts. Just because they’re extras doesn’t mean they’re not important – sometimes the extras over-ride everything else.

For instance, my father is in a care home and sometimes needs help with his own life issues. Recently, I was helping him get legal documents signed and transferred. It should have been an easy thing but there was a hang up at every step.

I had been traveling for a doctor visit when I learned the entire package was lost. So we stopped everything and drove 1200 miles to resolve the issue. It was an extra week of traveling and it came with a lot of stress. But it got done.

And during the process, meds, remedies, therapies, rest, exercise, and proper food all took a back seat. I did what I could but not as I should.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been playing catch up on other things that need to happen – budget, banking, taxes, I need to get a quote for solar (trust me, it’s critical), there’s important paperwork that needs done sooner than later, and some additional things with dad that need to happen. All these things hang there, waiting, and often overwhelming my ADD brain.

We had family come visit – I was thrilled to see them, truly. But it also required several days of planning and cleaning (focus on Home) – which means Health and all the other Extras have been put on the back burner.

Yeah that’s life. Juggling seems to be the norm.

But it shouldn’t be.

It is impossible to get well living with major stress and we have for 12 years. My doctor recommends an island lifestyle – one with a small footprint, easy to manage – like living in a tiny hut on the beach.

We don’t have that. We have a big footprint with lots of chaos and a never ending to-do list that just seems to get longer by the minute.

It doesn’t help that my ADD brain is off-kilter. It doesn’t help that my hormones are jacked up. And it definitely doesn’t help that my nervous system is not functioning as it should.

So now more than ever, I have got to find a way to regain control of my world – to find balance.

How?

I have some ideas but the truth is that I can’t do it alone. I need help. And I hate asking for it.

I’ve been thinking about trading off the priorities every week so a month would look like this:

Week 1 – health (organize meds & supplements, do therapies, rest)

Week 2 – daily life (home & family)

Week 3 – health

Week 4 – extras

Some things just have to get done – for example – I take supplements & meds every day, I wouldn’t stop taking them during weeks 2 & 4, but therapies would take a back seat.

I don’t know – maybe I’m being foolish thinking a system like that could help. But I’ve got to try something or I’m just gonna fall apart.

I’m starting with week 4 because there’s some big things that need to get done asap. But hopefully, as I move through the process, life will start to feel less overwhelming.

Say a prayer for me.