I’ve been in bed most of the day every day since 1/1. Pain has been higher, I’ve had rashes, headaches and digestive issues – but that’s not why I’ve been in bed.

Fatigue is.

Fatigue is one of the hardest issues I deal with on a daily basis. And it’s one we don’t talk about much because it’s embarrassing and hard to explain to someone who has never truly experienced it. It feels like I’m saying “I’m lazy”.

But fatigue is often harder than most other symptoms – and it makes most other symptoms harder to handle.

Have you ever been so cold that every joint in your body hurts, you have a hard time moving your muscles and they feel like they’re burning, your fingers can’t function and you feel like you’re gonna fall down if you take it more step? That’s me with fatigue – but I’m not actually cold.

A 2019 report in the journal Biological Research for Nursing describes fatigue as an “overwhelming, debilitating, and sustained” exhaustion that makes it harder to carry out activities and function.

Common symptoms associated with fatigue include:

• Weakness
• Lack of energy
• Lack of motivation
• Difficulty with concentration
• Difficulty starting and completing tasks

But it can also bring on:

• Headache
• Dizziness
• Sore, achy muscles
• Slowed reflexes and response
• Impaired judgment and decision-making
• Moodiness/irritability
• Loss of appetite
• Impaired hand-to-eye coordination
• Reduced immune system function
• Reduced attention and poor concentration
• Memory problems
• Blurry vision

I get all of these. And the more I move around or try to do things, the worse everything becomes and the harder it is to even just stand up.

I have a desire to do. I have a long list of things that need done. And I just can’t.

Grrrr! I am frustrated and growing more weary of this every day.

Since I first got sick 18 years ago, doctors have tried numerous meds, supplements and therapies specifically for fatigue – none of them have helped. Not one.

As far as I can tell, there’s no rhyme or reason to when fatigue hits. I just wake up feeling exhausted and it doesn’t go away (sometimes for weeks or months).

So now what?

That’s always the question.

My doctor is running a whole bunch of testing – mostly done by specialty labs. I’m hoping something in those tests gives us a clue for direction.

Next week I will be doing a new treatment called TruDose. I’ll do a separate post to explain more on that later, but essentially they draw blood (from me), spin it down to a specific rate per their diagnostics to create platelet rich plasma (PRP), and then put it back into my bloodstream.

PRP helps heal cells and reduce inflammation. My hope is that this will calm my body and help improve mitochondria function (which I believe is a part of the fatigue).

I’ll also be seeing a musculoskeletal practitioner to see if he can help with some of the issues that I know are interfering with healing (specifically loose ligaments in the neck and shoulders).

I haven’t lost hope but I am discouraged and tired of trying new things that never seem to stick.

It’s been 18 years since I first got sick and 11 years since I became disabled. It’s hard to maintain hope when I feel so bad. I want to do more – just a little more.

On days like these when I can’t even do my basic home therapies or make a meal for myself, I just want to cry. So that’s what this is – a cry session.

It’s also me reminding myself that it’s ok to rest for a bit. It’s ok if the house is a mess. It’s ok to let someone else do things.

And as always: it’s ok to have a pity party, just don’t unpack and live there.