It’s been nearly a decade since my “crash”. I remember thinking I would return to “normal” within a few weeks. Back to work, back to life, back to ME.

When weeks and then months came and went, I started thinking something was really wrong. I went to doctor after doctor expecting one of them to eventually figure it out and give me a pill that would quickly fix it all. To this day, I still think I’m going to wake up one day and be miraculously recovered.

Yesterday, I had a little energy and was able to get some things done. I ran errands, I cleaned the kitchen, I organized a little around the house. I went to bed in pain and feeling like my body was totally drained of life.

Someday I will get better. I am convinced of that. Maybe never to the point I used to be, but I have hope for a future without so much discomfort. Someday. Someday. Someday.

Someday sometimes seems so far away.

I usually don’t like to dwell on difficult things of the past. If I do, I tend to be sad about missed opportunities and things done wrong. But if I look back to earlier years of sickness, I see incredible improvement.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that today is the someday of yesterday. Today I am better than I was 9 years ago. Today I am better than I was 8 years ago. Today I am better than I was 3 years ago.

I’m not where I want to be – I wish I was able to do things I could do 20 years ago (don’t we all!). That can’t be my focus. Nor can the fact that I crawl into bed every day in pain.

Focus on what you CAN do. Not on what you WISH you could do.